Thirteen quotes from Ugley Business 1. “So what is he, Soph?” I sighed. Beats me. My partner. My mentor. My lover. But not, for some indefinable reason, my boyfriend. “He’s just Luke,” I said. Sophie on the man her best friend has just caught her in bed with. 2. “He’s a bastard,” I said to myself as I switched the water off and pushed back the shower curtain. “He’s a sexy, irresistible bastard.” Then I nearly had a heart attack, because a voice replied, “That’s very nice of you to say, but you don’t really know me all that well yet.” Enter: Docherty. 3. “You talk to your car a lot?” Harvey asked. “She talks to it more than me,” Luke said. “That’s because I like it more than you,” I replied. Getting her priorities straight. 4. “We can watch films and eat ice cream and stuff.” “Can we do face masks and talk about orgasms?” “We can do better than talk about them,” Luke said silkily. Luke demonstrating why being a bastard isn’t such a huge problem in their relationship. 5. “Well,” Maria said eventually. “Bugger me.” Macbeth looked her up and down thoughtfully. A life in the day of SO17. 6. An Aston. A Bond car. A machine so beautiful I’d have given Luke up for it. I wanted that car. I lusted after it. I wanted to have its babies. Sophie on cars (1). 7. I pulled out my SIG and aimed it at him. “No,” I said. “I will not drive. I don’t know how much you know about guns but this here is a nine millimetre and it will kill you if I pull the trigger. And I’ve just split up with the best sex I’ve ever had and am ever likely to have, so I am not in a good mood. And I hate to sound like a man but,” I ran my eyes over his revolver, “mine’s bigger than yours.” Sophie on bad days. 8. I’m not afraid. That is to say, I’m not afraid to say that I was absolutely bloody terrified. Sophie on honesty (1). 9. “Everyone wants a bit of Irish in them,” Docherty said, with a meaningfully penetrating stare at me that made—I swear—even my hair blush. Docherty giving it straight. 10. I mean, when you think of government agents you generally think of people slightly more suave than me. Actually, Norma Jean would be more suave than me, and she wears a flea collar. Sophie on honesty (2). 11. “You look hot.” “Hot as in sweaty and exhausted, or hot as in—” “Hot as in,” Luke said, smiling lazily. “Although I could make it sweaty and exhausted, if you want.” Luke reiterating why bastardness is an unimportant factor. 12. Well, I should do sit-ups. I never have. Lately Luke and I have been burning off a lot of calories…and you didn’t want to hear that. Okay. Sophie on honesty (3). 13. I, like Ted, operate on a rather larger chassis, come from solid, unpretentious stock, look like a lick of paint would do me some good and never fail to save the day. Well, actually, I’ve only ever saved the day once, but the day has only been in danger once while I’ve been around to save it. Sophie on cars (2). Ugley Business is released from Samhain Publishing on Tuesday!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It's easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Online excerpt vault

Yes, you can now have access to free and easy excerpts from all my books! I've uploaded a snippet from each book (sometimes two or three snippets) to my Yahoo group. They're also available on my websites.

What's not available on either website is the bonus material. Now. I haven't yet quite decided what to upload here. Shall it be the original opening to I, Spy?. Shall it be Chapter One of the completely-unfinished Almost Human sequel? Artwork of characters? What do you fancy?

Answers on a postcard, please...

There are no Cats in the USA

Kate Johnson:

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 354 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Cat Marsters:

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 0 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

(Apparently, there is no one in America called Cat! No, surely not! Although there are 332 people called Marsters).

Sophie Green:

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 80 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Ugley Business cover

Subtitled: SQUEEEE!

I LOVE this cover. I was sent a draft aaaages ago but it's not official until today. Isn't it pretty? It's so purple! Sophie loves being so skinny. Luke loves his gun. All in all, we're pretty happy!

Very little going on

...I'm trying to think of something to say about the last week. Um. Pepper has grown at an amazing rate--she'll soon be as big as me--and continues to be both adorable and annoying. I think God makes puppies cute so you'll forgive them all the crying and pooping. Much like babies. Only honestly, I prefer puppies.


Here's Pepper facing down Spike. Really, I think he was just sitting there to tease her: "Look, I've got the run of the house AND my own special-sized door AND the humans let me sleep on their beds, and you have to live in the kitchen, so nerrr!"

Um. Oh! I finished Sophie book seven, titled Dead To Rights. And I've been trying to think of promo items I can take with me to conference. Of course, the problem with promo is the speculate-to-accumulate dilemma. I haven't accumulated enough to be able to speculate yet...

Thursday Thirteen: Headlines from 2012

Thirteen headlines from 2012 1. Wills and Colleen to wed! Prince William announced today his engagement to Colleen McLoughlin, former girlfriend of Manchester United and England striker Wayne Rooney. Rooney is said to be devastated and too depressed to play football any more. "I might take up ping-pong though," he said. Other reactions came from Buckingham Palace, where the Queen is said to have asked why her son was marrying Princess Fiona from the seven Shrek movies; and Kate Middleton, who was heard to mutter, "They never asked me to be on the cover of American Vogue." 2. Olympic Stadium set to be finished by 2025 The Sir David Beckham Stadium is set to be finished ahead of schedule in 2025. Critics have pointed out that it ought have been finished in time for the Olympics in London this year, but Mayor Ken Livingstone responded that he only heard of the Olympics for the first time seven years ago, "and how long do you think it takes to build a stadium anyway?" 3. Harry Potter and the Unemployment Centre released in July! The tenth book in the series follows Harry as he prepares to leave Wandsticks University and finds that a 2-1 in Applied Magic won't get him far in the job market. Now poor Harry is faced with mounting debts from his multi-million-galleon education, not to mention trying to support the wand-weilding twins resulting from his affair with Ginny Weasley and trying to write a best man speech for Ron and Hermione's wedding. 4. Petrol prices in the UK hit £10/gallon "I remember back in 2007 when it passed £4 a gallon," said Larry Driver of Epping, "and we all thought that was monstrous. I can't believe it still costs less than a quid in America. What, do they just pull it out of the ground over there?" The price hike comes after a 400% tax is placed on all car products. The price of an average family car is now higher than the average family home. 5. Salt declared a Class A drug From July, anyone found in possession of a full gram of salt could face ten years in jail, with suppliers getting lifetime imprisonment. "The problem is that it's so easy to make," said Doctor Nannystate, a government research scientist. "We have massive communities of salt-addicts living by the sea, just boiling water to get salt. It's become a huge problem and we just don't have the police-power to deal with it." 6. Another cigarette-related explosion Since smoking was outlawed anywhere on land in Britain, there have been increasing numbers of boat thefts and explosions on off-shore oil rigs as smokers take to the seas to fuel their habit. "What with them and the salt-fiends, the seaside has become an incredibly dangerous place to raise children," said Soho Davis, MP for Dunwich. 7. Keira Knightley piles on the pounds As competition mounts to find the perfect actress to play inept spy Sophie Green from Kate Johnson's best-selling novels, actresses across the UK and Hollywood try to prove their suitability. "It's the role of a lifetime," Keira says. "I've been following Renee Zellweger's Bridget Jones diet of pizza and Guinness and I hope this gives me the right look to play Sophie." Critics have expressed concern that the actress may be piling on too many pounds. "We don't want her to join the obesity epidemic," said celebrity chef Sir Jamie Oliver. But others have condemned the character for not being fat enough. "She's a UK size twelve," says Aunty Zero, a teen magazine agony aunt. "That puts her dangerously close to the size zero that is so very unhealthy. We're advising teenage girls that anything less than a size sixteen is bowing to peer pressure." 8. Geography lessons abolished In accordance with government guidelines on offensive terms, many schools are now scrapping their Geography curriculum. "It's just too difficult to teach a class without using the word 'Asian'" said Pansy Blackman, a London teacher, "which was banned last month in case it incited religious hatred." Other words on this week's banned list include black, white, yellow, colour, gay, pansy, straight, thin, fat, ugly, woman, man, female, male, and carbohydrate, which after tomorrow will carry a £1,000 on-the-spot fine for useage. "We think our Art lessons might have to be scrapped too," said the teacher, who from now on will be known as Liberty Bland, "and it doesn't look good for Biology, either." 9. Kate Johnson slowest ever Star in a Reasonably Priced Car. The best-selling author this week made history as the slowest ever driver to make it round the Top Gear test track. "She was slower than the blind man," says former presenter Jeremy Clarkson, now imprisoned for inciting radical anti-green behaviour such as driving a car faster than 30mph. "She stalled three times on the Hammerhead. Of course, since they won't allow any vehicle that doesn't run on sustainable electricity, she was limited with her acceleration, but even so it was pretty damn slow." Says Johnson, "I don't know how the hell I managed to stall the Reasonably Priced Milk Float. It doesn't even have a clutch." 10. Green baby for Angelina and Brad Following the discovery that food-colouring can be injected into sperm cells, Brad and Angelina Pitt-Jolie are delighted to announce that they will be giving birth to the world's first green baby. "We're just so delighted," cooed Angelina, surrounded by her seven adopted children. "I wanted to create a rainbow family, but I just wasn't satisfied with the rather shabby choice of colours available in nature. And green is so the colour of the moment." Says Brad, "I'm delighted of course, but I have to say it was weird having green sperm." 11. Woman wins right to wear clothes on plane Following last year's security restrictions prohibiting all non-essential footwear, clothing and hair on board aircraft, Godiva Loveit from Bristol today won a landmark case against the ruling. Ms Loveit, who suffers from deep vein thrombosis, has been allowed to wear support socks on board the plane, provided she screens them separately in a clear plastic bag and carries a doctor's prescription with her. "I'm just so glad," she said yesterday on the courthouse steps. "Although I know I'll have to face people who think all clothed passengers are terrorists." 12. Antique skis displayed in V&A The Victoria and Albert museum today announced their acquisition of one of the last pairs of skis in the world. "It's so strange to think that a mere five years ago, people would strap these things to their feet and go hurtling down mountains," said the museum's curator. Overheard in the lobby, one child asked his parents, "What's all that white stuff covering the mountains?" 13. Heather to remarry The world's richest divorcée, Heather Mills-McCartney-Jagger-Windsor, announced today that she is to marry the Sultan of Brunei next year. "He's not as rich as I am," she said, "but what does that matter when you're in love?" She is said to be planning a double wedding with her former son-in-law, Prince William, but his fiancée is not keen. "She might change her mind and run off with Wills," said Colleen, "and we can't have that: Woolworths have already started selling Wills'n'Colleen commemorative plates."

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It's easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Why Sophie Green and Emma Woodhouse are so alike

They both sold less than thirty copies to start with.

All right, they're both interfering women who can be quite bright but suffer from occasional roadblocks of stupidity. They somehow inspire wonderful men to fall in love with them. They're brave and loyal. They like to see their friends happy.

I'm not sure Gwyneth Paltrow could ever play Sophie, though...

Happy St George's Day!

Less well known than his Irish cousin, cooler though, I think. Killed dragons and all that. Although apparently he was Turkish. Anyway. It's also Shakespeare's birthday, very selfish of him to be born in April when it's too cold for the Globe to really put on a proper celebration. Could celebrate his deathday instead, but it's the same day. Rotten day to die, eh?

Not much to report. Pepper continues to be a) cute and b) hard work. Swear she's doubled in size. Am working on Sophie book seven (seven! And it's nearly done, too). Trying to figure out a way to get to San Francisco for RWA next year. Just sent off my registration for the RNA conference this year (bit easier to get to, Leicester). Had an eye test today, apperently don't need new glasses although my prescription has all these new things on it that weren't there before. Went out on Saturday to my first hen party--well, actually a hen meal, very civilised, even if the hen was wearing red glittery L plates. Decided really need to go on a diet, and then Mum brought back two bars of Toblerone from Copenhagen.

This stream of consciousness brought to you by Kate Johnson.

Lazy Sunday afternoon

...got no mind for worries. Pepper has been dozing under the bench in the front garden most of the afternoon, after a hard morning of climbing up and down the three steps to the drive. Hard work being a puppy.

Sugar and Spike still aren't sure what to make of her. They've both sneaked up on her while she's sleeping, taken a close sniff, then recoiled in horror. But they haven't been aggressive, just mostly curious. Poor Pepper just wants to play with them! This has, however, helped me develop a theory on the dogs-chasing-cats idea. The dog doesn't want to chase she cat away, she just wants to play. The cat, however, is disgusted by this leggy, smelly creature, and so hightails it (literally) out of there. Dog thinks this is part of the game, and so pursues.

Yesterday, both Sugar and Spike ended up perched halfway up the oak tree while Pepper sniffed around the roots. Wussy cats.

Here she is after a hard day of being adorable:

This cushion is now part of her bed. Cushion, towel/blanket, Knotty. Poor neglected puppy.

In other news, I finished final line edits on A is for Apple, the third Sophie book, which is getting ready to go to Book Expo America. I should hopefully be getting a cover soon (I typed 'toon' there, hah!).

Now, it's absolutely glorious weather here, more like June than April, so I have some hardcore sunbathing to do. Yes, I know I said I was going to stay pale and interesting this year, but I say that every year, and it gets really tiring having people ask if I'm anaemic all summer...

Thursday Thirteen: things that make me happy

Thirteen things making me happy today (Yes, I know, unusually cheerful for a cranky cow like me. But everything else I thought of was miserable, and Amelia has already baggsed Thirteen Mandarin Insults) 1. Watching my cats behave like kittens. Especially Spike, when he gets that cheeky look in his eye, then attacks his catnip ball and rolls around on the floor wrestling with it. 2. The new series of Doctor Who. David Tennant rocketing around the universe being cheerfully insane, how can that not make you smile? 3. That, and I'm going to quote directly from Caitlin Moran here, "a show about a 900-year-old pacifist with a magic screwdriver, whose biggest enemy is a set of giant, fatal pepperpots...a children's sci-fi show, made on what amounts to a minuscule budget, in Wales, by gays, should be one of the defining programmes of the 21st century, is just the kind of thing that makes Britain great." It's completely bonkers. I love it! 4. It's sunny. I know, it's cheating. So what? 5. A week tomorrow we're going to pick up Pepper! (and put the puppy properly in her pen). 6. Helping my brother fix his phone and being called a genius for it. 7. Then, five seconds later, having to go up and down the stairs twice because I'd forgotten this list. And then the paper for the Caitlin Moran quote. I like being stupid. I have no idea why. 8. The new cover for Ugley Business which I got sent this morning. I'm not sure if it's final and approved yet, but the second it is I shall be plastering it everywhere because it's gorgeous. And it's purple! 9. Thinking up ways to screw eighteen generations of PayPal's ancestors (I'm modifying one of Amelia's Mandarin insults here) for refusing to recognise that someone defrauded my account to the tune of £1,200. There will be pain. Lots of pain. 10. The red, suede-trimmed, be-ribboned ballet slippers I bought yesterday. For four pounds. 11. Print release dates for the first three Sophie books. Like the cover, they're not definite yet, but I'm happy to have them. 12. That I've managed to think of 12 other reasons to be cheerful. And that I'm cheating now. I do like to cheat a little every now and then. 13. That I've finished the book I was on deadline for; done the edits I had to have finished by yesterday; and got my Stroke of Midnight contest entries back on time and am, therefore, unburdened by deadlines for the present moment!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Random bollocks

Sleep pods in airports. Isn't that a brilliant idea? BAA can pay me royalties later. No; think about it. You've just got off a seven hour flight from New York, during which it was physically impossible to sleep, you're making a connection to Edinburgh in four hours' time, you're completely knackered and would prefer not to arrive at your destination looking like a zombie, so you go and hire a little capsule sleep pod thing, like they have in those hotels in Tokyo, and catch a few hours of sleep. Wake up, take a shower, get on your plane and arrive looking like a human being.

I know. I'm a genius.

This is the result of random thought-hopping after I asked my brother when he was flying back from LA, and he said, "Er, Tuesday." Is that when you take off, or when you land? "Er. Land." Because I know they're usually night flights going transtlantic west-east, and it is eleven hours in the air. Are you taking off Monday evening? "Probably."

You see? When I fly somewhere I always write down, in big easy letters, the flight number and times, and put it somewhere prominent in the kitchen. Plus I put it on the calendar. And then I keep a copy with me in case I forget when I get to the check-in desk. Last year Rich went to Doha and didn't even know which airline he was on. Which was interesting, since when you fly into Qatar you need to be on Qatar Airways or you need a visa.

Anyway. Today I shall be mostly working on edits for A is for Apple, book three of the Sophie Green books. This is being done ahead of time, since it's going to BEA in May. So, if you're there, go and find the Samhain stand and say hola.

Ooh, I just opened my author page at Samhain to do that link and Ugley Business is listed there. Ska-wee! That's book two--and yes, Ugley is meant to be spelled like that. Makes sense when you read it. Or if you live near Stansted Airport.

Thursday Thirteen: things I will not do today.

Thirteen things I will not do today 1. Eat more than half a bar of the chocolate Fester sent me. 2. Watch TV when I should be writing. 3. Eat crisps. 4. Ignore the contest entries I have to judge by the end of the week. 5. Fantasise about stories I'm not writing. 6. Ignore the story I'm meant to have finished by the end of the week. 7. Have imaginary conversations with the Spike figurine Amelia gave me for my birthday. 8. Ignore the edits I said I'd have finished by the end of the week. 9. Go to the pub. 10. Drink more than four cups of coffee. 11. Fantasise about new puppy. 12. Forget about the sock I took off the other day and now can't find. 13. Fantasise about any of the following men: David Tennant, James Marsters, Nathan Fillion, the hero I'm supposed to be writing, Luke, the guy I met in the pub the other week. So far, I've failed in only... twelve of those. When the pub opens, I shall probably fail number nine too. ETA: Okay, I failed number nine. But I succeeded in number four, and that counts for something, right?

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Thursday Thirteen: fictional characters I have a massive crush on

Thirteen fictional Characters I have a Massive Crush on 1. Acheron from Sherrilyn Kenyon's Dark Hunter series. I mean, obviously. Man's a gorgeous babe. 2. David Tennant's Doctor Who (see yesterday, man in kilt). Enthusiastic, eccentric, like a giant puppy leaping around the universe. Completely adorable. And in the Madame de Pompadour episode, where he got Reinette's letter? Oh, I was crying for him. 3. Phin Tucker from Jennifer Crusie's Welcome to Temptation. Have I mentioned how much I love this book and worship JC? Not in the last five minutes. Phin is hawt, and he's smart, and he loves his daughter, and he's stuck doing the job in front of him, even if he doesn't really want to. 4. Richard Sharpe from the Bernard Cornwell books, but especially from the ITV films. Oh, Horny Sean. How thou makest my petticoats flutter! 5. Benedick of Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing. He's just very, very funny. And he treats Beatrice as an equal. And he'd do anything for her. "I do love nothing in the world so well as you. Is not that strange?" Swoon! 6. Captain Mal Reynolds of the Firefly class Serenity. Embittered and angry, but incredibly loyal, committed to his crew, and when he believes in a cause he doesn't give up on it, no matter the cost. And he's damn funny. And he's pretty hot. 7. Daniel Craig's James Bond, Casino Royale. A blunt instrument? Well, maybe. But he's a hammer with feelings. That bit where he sits down with Vesper in the shower, fully dressed, turns the heat up, and puts his arms around her...oh, my. That's not a blunt instrument. Plus, those eyes! 8. Luke Sharpe, the Sophie Green Mysteries. Is this cheating? I don't care. Luke started out as a boilerplate sexy, suave spy, not a lot of depth to him. Then he revealed a love of Buffy reruns, a family who didn't care for him, a liking for cats, and a slowly developing tendre for Sophie. And now I'm totally in love with him. Does anyone know how Pygmalian did it? 9. Lara Croft. Hah, that's done you! I have a total girl-crush on her. come on, who wouldn't? If I did girls, I'd so do her. 10. Joe Morelli, the Stephanie Plum books by Janet Evanovich. Tough call between him and Ranger, but you know, Ranger scares the shit out of me. You could take Morelli home to your parents. Well, probably. 11. Sam Vimes, Terry Pratchett's Discworld books. He does the job that's in front of him. Hes not that bright, not very well educated, his second- and third-in command can run rings around him, he's fathoms out of his depth at any social occasion his wife drags him to, his boss is a Machiavellian genius...but if you want something doing, and you want it doing thoroughly, and you want some entertainment while he's doing it...get Sam Vimes. 12. Striker, Almost Human. Striker actually has several books of his own, but they're a big old mess and the stories suck. But I fell in love with him aeons before he became Chance's father. He's a complete psycho, he doesn't like anyone, he enjoys hurting people, he thinks explosions are fun, he has the emotional intelligence of a child. He's be an evil overlord if he could be bothered. He's the opposite of that bible passage about love being forgiveness and all that. He's basically a monster. But, if he loves you then he's your monster. And he'd do anything for you. Plus, he's inhumanly hot. 13. Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Come on, you didn't think I was going to forget him, did you? What can I say that I haven't already? The hotness is a given. The sarcasm still makes me shiver. That narrow-eyed, sideways-slant, cheeks-sucked-in look makes me go fluttery in places that are usually private. He's not a master vampire, he's not all-powerful. He makes mistakes all the damn time. He has the soul of a poet and the brain of a monster. But he tries. Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Offski

I dunno why I titled it that. I'm not going to Russia and I'm not going skiing. Although dad and bro are. Skiing, that is.

I am going away for five days tomorrow, so won't be here until Friday. And even then, probably not a lot. Saturday is my birthday (you can send cards and flowers, magnums of champagne, etc. via my publishers, darlings) and Sunday will be spent recovering from it, so don't expect much from me until maybe Monday!

I shall leave you with these two, who already know something is up and are being deliberately adorable in the hopes I'll take them with me.



Oh, and while I'm gone, do find time to read either I, Spy? or Maneater--depending on your preference, see how democratic I am?--and tell me what you think!

ETA: oh, and yes! I forgot I was going to post the winning I, Spy? contest entry today. Well, here it is. The winner is DawnM, and here's her tale of woe.

This happened a few years ago now, just a couple of days after Concorde crashed in France, and I was due to fly out from Luton or Stansted. It was one of those rare blindingly hot, humid days that you get in England. The departure lounge wasn't so bad, not the most comfortable seating but at least it was air conditioned. After waiting about an hour they finally let us go through boarding, only to find ourselves in another lounge. This one however had even more uncomfortable seating and not enough to go round all the passengers. So, of course I'm one of those left standing. And standing . And standing. Because they wouldn't let us on the plane, or back to the departure lounge. And there weren't any facilities and no air conditioning. Well, I don't do well in the heat and by the time another hour had rolled by, I'm close to passing out. Finally, they let us on the plane, and we all think we're about to go.

Only, it turns out the plane had an engine fault, as they informed us once we were onboard, and they're waiting for a part. Now they knew all this so I can only surmise it was pure sadism on someone's part to get all of us out of the departure lounge, where we could have been reasonable comfortable in the first place. Inspires great confidence in airlines, especially coming straight after a plane crash. And of course, no engine = no air conditioning. And 2 or 3 hours wait before they get the part and get it fixed. So everyone's baking in their seats, and you're not allowed off the plane and back into the terminal. And this was supposed to be a short flight, so there aren't any drinks or food. Well, you can imagine.

Just to cap all this off, I'm sitting right at the front of the plane, just behind the pilots' cabin and the stewards' alcove. And right on the other side of me is a woman who's informed the steward that she's terrified of flying. Oh, joy! Now, having worked in hospitals for longer than I care to think, I have the medical sense of humour and can find just about anything funny in the most inappropriate situations. So I kinda appreciated the stewards take on the plane crash because I understood institutional humour. Only the problem was, they'd forgotten (maybe that's being generous they might have thought it amusing given there was someone frightened of flying in the front seat) that you could hear them quite clearly through the curtain, and their humour was morbid to say the least, and didn't go down to well with most of the passengers.

Definitely not the most pleasant flight I ever had, especially as the long delay meant that it was night by the time I got to the hotel, and the kitchens were closed.

Sophie sympathises: after all, she worked at Stansted and often experienced its erratic air-conditioning. In fact, she's such a geek she could probably figure out where you were flying to: was it Belfast, or Derry?

Dawn wins a free download of I, Spy?. Thanks everyone else for entering--there were some truly terrible tales in there!--and keep your eyes peeled for the release of my next book from Samhain, Ugley Business, due out in May.

Cats and Sophie and birthdays, oh my!

Remember how in June last year I posted a gushing blog about Sophie? Well, nine months later, here she is, pink and shiny and about as clever as a newborn. And I'm just as proud of her!

So proud, in fact, that I'm running a contest for one lucky person to win a free download. It's super-shiny, too. See, Sophie works in an airport--at least, to start with. And we all know airports are ideous places. In fact, I believe there is a circle of hell that very much resembles Terminal Four of Heathrow.

Anyway. What I'm asking you to do is just this. Think about your worst airport story. Or your worst air journey. Or tell me the lengths to which you've gone to avoid flying. Email them to me before Sunday 11th March, when I shall pick a winner. For more details, check my website. While you're there, check out the Extras.

Also speaking of things that happened last year, you may remember nearly a year ago a completely ballistically ecstatic post from me on the occasion of my birthday when I was given an IOU for a cat. Well, actually, I got two (no, did I? Funny, I never mention them here).

Well, today my babies are a year old! Yes, the tiny little Sugar-plum and Spikelet are officially grown-ups. And, as predicted when they were still small enough to reduce grown men to cries of, "Awww!", they turned out to be super-gorgeous.

Yes, I'm smitten with the...cats. So, happy birthday Sugar and Spike!

Oh, and don't forget to check out my March news, in case I've forgotten anything today.

Catch-up

Wow, I left it a whole week? And I still don't have a lot to report--been busy the last week preparing for not one but two releases this week! I, Spy? is out tomorrow, and Maneater on Friday. I also suddenly realised I sort of need to get working on the next Sundown book, which doesn't quite have a title yet, but is about a fae and a vampire in New York. I think.

Also, I'm going away next week for five days, so I need to...I dunno, fiund a suitcase and some clean clothes. Given the state of chaos in which I live my daily life, this may prove timeconsuming.

Oh God, yes, and I need to get my newsletter out!

In the meantime, have a cat picture. It's been a while since we had one of Sugar. Here she is, trying to figure out how the door works.


Oh, and just for fun:

Boromir
With good intentions but misunderstood motives, you are a hardy, if somewhat unreliable, companion.
I ask only for the strength to defend my people!
Boromir is a character in the Middle-Earth universe.

I, Spy, the movie!

Well, sort of. Er, I hope this works since I don't have much luck with uploading videos...

Doublespeak

Big Brother is watching you. No, seriously: I signed that online petition about roadpricing, and in return got a personal email from His Toniness. I was going to blog about it (because it's just amazing how several hundred words can totally fail to contain anything actually resembling a fact) but in reality politics bore me silly and I really hate discussions on the subject. I try to keep politics and religion off this blog.

I will, however, give you this rather wonderful quote on the (sort of) subject:

I must confess the the activities of the UK governments for the past couple of years have been watched with frank admiration and amazement by Lord Vetinari. Outright theft as a policy had never occured to him.

...from, of course, Terry Pratchett. (Go and read some more here. Especially the one about cats and pills. And the 'fast lane' one, which I've put on Sophie's MySpace).

In other news (and you damn bats nearly had me typing 'udder gnus' there), yours truly is feeling a little delicate because she somehow ended up in a pub with late opening hours with a bunch of Irish rugby fans. After Ireland had beaten us at rugby. And I was on Guinness. Which wasn't being served in half pints. So I'm going to go to bed now...