Old photos

Y'see, my brother was looking for an old photo. "You know, that one with the Dutch girls (that would be Danielle and Jill, who visited on a school exchange program) and Junior being really short." I knew exactly the one he meant. I directed him to the shoeboxes in the garage where I'd not only stored old photos, but in a fit of Monica-ness, actually labelled with the appropriate year (just the boxes, I didn't label the photos. Although I did label the wallets they came back from the developer in). But, as you can see, in the past I was hella geeky!

This is the one Rich was looking for. From the left: his best friend (then and now) Dan Oakley, Rich, Alex "Junior" Oakley, Danielle Genders, Jill Pisters, me. Yep, me. Reckon I was about 13 or 14 there. Youch.

While I was looking through the photos (they're like Pringles: once you pop, you just can't stop), I found a lovely one of the family when we celebrated my nannan's 50th wedding anniversary. My granddad actually died about twenty years before this, but that didn't stop my nannan having a party. That's her at the front, second from right. I'm at the back, second from left. I'd probably have been about fourteen there, I think. See how tall I am? In the next three years, I grew to the height of my uncle, on my left. And then, thank God, I stopped.

When Sugar and Spike were babies I took zillions of pictures. They're all safely stowed here on my computer, and on my backup old computer, and on a disc. But when Tinker and Willow were babies, I was six, and there was no such thing as a digital camera. I reckon the one we used back then had a separate flashbulb. but anyway, look at these two. If I thought S&S could be gratuitously cute, I'd forgotten about the originals...

Here's Tinker again, under his own parasol (I have another one of Willow in the same place). All the digital pictures I have of him are as an old man, and at the end he was really bony, his fur all matted. But he was (as TS Eliot said), in his youth, quite the smartest of cats. Look at the gloss on his fur! He was the original Gorgeous Boy, a title he passed on to Spike, who grew into it beautifully.

You know I said I was tall? Well, look at me outside this tent...okay, it was a kid's play tent, but still. Check out my sweater, though: Crazy Cat. I'm amazed I didn't write 'Lady' on it...

Yet more proof I knew how it was going to end. In case you can't read the caption on my nightshirt, it says 'When I grow up, I want to be a cat'. 'Nuff said.

Any Harry Enfield fans out there? Caption this "Poor Lulu." Actually, there's another one, where Rich is beaming at the camera and I'm bawling my eyes out. I guess we can call that the 'after' shot.

This is how I remember family holidays. What you can't see is that, outside the little world of the parasol and the windbreaker, it was actually raining. My dad (captured in a series of blackmail-worthy photos) was actually wearing a wetsuit and surfing, or trying to at any rate. The three of us, plus Honey, huddled up for warmth. English seaside holidays, huh? Can't beat 'em.

I want to show this one to Pepper. See, I'm going to say to her, see how nicely Honey got along with the cats? This one is Candy, our little abused baby, who was terrified of pretty much everything. But Honey, daft as an old brush and twice as useless, was impossible to be frightened of.

I so want to title this picture 'Young Dr Doolittle', but I don't expect my brother will thank me for it.

Today, I realised as I looked at the date, would have been Meu's 16th birthday. She died four years ago, nearly five. She wasn't halfway old enough. Here she is, enjoying her favourite activity.

And here enjoying her second--and showing off the belly she got from the first. Love you, sweetheart. Miss you.

Happy birthday Pepper!

The Demon Puppy is no more...she's officially the Demon Dog today, her first birthday. See how my tiny baby grew up?




Yesterday was mother's Day here (early because Easter is getting in the way). I got Mum a card with a tiny black puppy on it, not unlike Pepper in that first picture, and stuck a photo of Spike being gorgeous inside (it's hard to find a picture of him being gorgeous. I mean...it's hard to pick one!). The new look she's working is the Bark Stop collar--for the dog in love with the sound of her own voice. It makes a high-pitched bleep when she barks, which is supposed to stop her barking. Personally, I reckon she's barking at the bleep, but we'll see if things improve.

Dogs on holiday

You know what isn't easy? Finding a hotel that will accept dogs. And won't cost a year's wages (and we're talking my dad's wages, since he's paying for it).

This year is a...significant birthday for both the parentals, and they're both organising secret celebrations for the other. Mum has booked a holiday for Dad's birthday, but that's not hard to do: so long as there's a beach and the potential to walk for miles, plus a nice pub or two, he's happy. He spends half his time in hotels so he prefers self-catering holidays (besides, he doesn't cook).

Mum's requirements however, are...more difficult.

Very sweetly, she's requested the presence of both my brother and I for whatever goes down. She likes hotels, since she doesn't stay in them very often and always ends up doing all the work in a self-catering cottage (her words: I seem to remember Dad washing up and paying for meals out, and I help with cooking, but whatever). It's also got to be in this country, since she hates boats and airports, and the idea of the Channel Tunnel spooks her out (bloody island living). The thing is, if bro and I both go, that means there's no one to take care of the Demon Puppy. This is no problem when booking a cottage, since quite a lot of places take dogs. Hotels, however?

Finding a hotel in the right place, that's nice enough to be a special occasion treat, that doesn't cost a fortune, is hard enough. Then tell them you want to bring a sweet, small, well-behaved little dog (and try to keep a straight face), and you can reduce the results by about 95%.

I did find one gorgeous place, absolutely perfect. So perfect, it's fully booked. Rats.

Eleven days?

Have I really had nothing to report for eleven days? Wow. Well, still not a lot to report, or maybe it's just that my brain's not working due to lack of sleep. After getting to bed past midnight (I tend to stay up late writing, then sleep in if I can), I couldn't sleep most of the night because a cold has suddenly decided to descend upon me (do those echinacea and vitamin C supplements mean nothing to such a common, ill-bred virus?) and I don't know about you, but I find it hard to sleep when I can't breathe.

After finally drifting off in what felt like the early hours, Her Ladyship Miss Pepper started up her new trick of whining pitifully and scratching at the bars of her crate. Well, okay, but the thing is my brother got up at 4 to go to the airport (he's off to Doha, don't ask) and let her out then, so for her to start whining at 6.30 as if her last toilet break was twelve hours ago was damn annoying. She's let out at 6.30 by my dad, who sensibly goes back to bed, and then she starts whining again.

Honestly. The reason she's crated overnight is because if left unsupervised, she pees on the floor, out of protest at being left alone. So we're trying to break the habit by crating her whenever she's alone--at eight months, she can handle an overnight (at eight months, she damn well ought to be housetrained!), but she's a stroppy little madam, and she's learned that barking and whining gets her attention (I know. It's not me who's paying her the attention. It's also not me who ignores all advice given, but we won't get into that again).

So, basically, I'm tired and I still can't damn well breathe. Mum expressed amazement that the Wonder Pills that allow her to sleep soundly through every cold left me with a nose that felt like someone had stuffed a firework up it. Yeah, you needed that image, didn't you?

So I'm taking a sickie, going to a friend's house and intend to spend the rest of the day watching really daft films and eating rubbish. TTYL!

Hmm, that's interesting

Amazon has Almost Human listed--with correct publisher and ISBN etc--but no cover, so I can't verify it. The eBay listing, several people pointed out, has been taken down--only to be relisted under a different url. Ellora's Cave has the book listed as in print, with the new cover. The link on the EC site points to the eBay store. Is that the official EC store? Was the other link pirated? If it is the official EC store, why has my book suddenly popped up there without any notification to me, and with a cover I wasn't told about? Maybe it's the authentic copy; maybe it isn't.

I'm still waiting to hear the official word from Ellora's Cave.

Puppy still untrained. Dad thinks I'm sulking because he let the dog bark and wake me up. No, I'm not sulking, and no, it's not about one incident of barking. It's about six months of being ignored, contradicted and generally undermined.

I'm sorry, I've had enough

Of a puppy who isn't even house-trained, thanks in no small part to my dad who sabotages everything I try to do with the dog and ignores all the advice I'm giving him. I'm running out of ways to explain basic puppy training rules to him, and now we have a seven-month-old puppy who pees inside, barks incessantly, bites and chews whoever and whatever she likes, climbs on the furniture and even the windowsill, and doesn't do a thing she's told. So, I've had enough. I blame myself for failing to realise that my training methods were all bollocks and that what I should have been doing is what my dad's been advocating, which is basically letting the puppy run riot everywhere.

I understand that dogs have pack heirarchies. The Alpha doesn't listen to the lowest ranking pack member. Guess which one I am?

There are other things I've really had enough of right now, plenty of them relating to Almost Human, but I'm not going to air them here. I probably shouldn't have aired the puppy problems here either, but today is a day when I just don't give a crap.

Monday already?

Good lord. And it's October! Oc-freaking-tober!

Wow. I'm finishing up the latest Sundown story (about an incubus and a fashionista elf), working on an idea for a new series Changeling is putting out next summer, still trying to persuade people I've never met before in my life and people I've known since childhood alike to buy my damn book, dealing with the Demon Puppy who is having her first season and is therefore even madder than usual, trying to find time to finish Almost Magic (and come up with a better title)...and for some reason this week I've decided to give up alcohol. Well, not really for some reason, actually because I had way too much to drink on Saturday and have just had enough of hangovers, thank you very much. It'll probably last until I go to Southwold on Thursday and have to deal with a) the Demon Puppy (you want to try taking the mad hound into a pub for lunch? Argh!) and the temptation of the local cider, which is just too yummy.

So, what are you all up to this week?

There are too many kittens???

Okay, this is just cruel. There was an item on the local news this morning--I know, like I ever watch local news, but Pepper woke me up early, I figured, what the hell, and the TV was on. But anyway. You know what local news is like. Unless you live in Westminster or Kabul, it's all really boring teensy stuff about shoplifters or kids swimming for charity.

This news item fell into the 'cute' category. A local animal shelter has said there have been an unusual amount of kittens born out of season (cats can have litters any time, but most often in the spring). They've had a lot of litters--and sometimes queens with litters--being brought in, and they're running out of space for them.

They have too many damn kittens.

I want all the kittens.

But because I have a psycho puppy who thinks it's fun to pounce on stuff and shake it about with her teeth, I can't have any. Waaah!

Oh well. It's probably a good thing. Otherwise I'd be up there like a shot, taking everything they had, and I'd have turned into Crazy Cat Lady at 25.

Hmm...I wonder how many kittens it would take to outnumber Pepper? If you did it by weight...

Reasons to be cheerful: one, two, three

One: I got a box of I, Spy? paperbacks.
Two: I got a box of Ugley Business paperbacks.
Three: I got a box of A is for Apple paperbacks!

Ahhh, aren't they pretty?

I've been going mildly bonkers this week because the rest of the household are away and I've been left holding the baby. Well, puppy. she's six months old, still bites, still jumps, and still isn't housetrained. Moreover, she does most of this on purpose because she's bored, because I leave her for long periods because, basically, I am not having that maniac in here with me and my books!

The little sod actually chewed through one of the bars of her baby-gate (why any of us thought a wooden gate would be a good idea, I don't know). So Wednesday, she woke me up by nosing into my bedroom...when she should have been shut in the kitchen downstairs. This morning, I found she'd destroyed one of the reinforced, renewable shopping bags we use at the supermarket. The idea with those things is when one wears out, you take it in and they replace it, free. but I'm not sure there's enough left of this one to even take in. It looks like...well, like a dog ate it!

Great googamooga

How did it get to be September?

Pepper is six months old today, and ready for her second training session. Well. I say ready, the poor bugger has no idea. Still, she enjoys it, because she gets to sniff all these other dogs and get lots of yummy treats for doing boring things like sitting and lying down. Easy, huh?


This is going to be double fun, because I've just been to the blood donors and been vampired, which makes my arm ache not a little bit. You know, they always ask, "Is that comfortable?" Sure, I find it really comfortable to have an inch of metal stuck in my arm.

Today my friend Alysia is picking up her new furbaby Holly, a tabby adopted from Wood Green. I think this is going to be really good for her--because she's a cat person, and just like me she never fails to be cheered up by a cat. I shall be haunting her house to play with the new kitty, because I really want to get another one but as I said, it's not really practical right now.

Thanks to everyone who offered their condolences on Sugar. It's nice that other people appreciate how important pets can be in your life.

Thirteen...pictures of my furbabies. Lazy? Hah, you have no idea how many pictures I had to search through for these. Yeah, I have millions of them. Deal with it. 1 "First contact." This was the first day we brought Sugar and Spike home, and they met Tinker, our old man. Shortly after this, Sugar retreated back inside the box, where she and Spike stayed for the next day and a half. Probably they took one look at poor old Tinker, bony and matted (he was nearly eighteen, and in fact died about three months later), and figured that if that's how they treated cats here, they'd be better off staying in their nice safe box. Eventually, food and devilment got them out. 2 Pepper, about a month old. Yes, her head really was half the size of my hand. you can see how we fell for her! 3 Candy, who died a year ago on Valentine's Day. Yeah, because I always loved that day before and this just made it so much better (dives into the Sarchasm). Anyway, here she is being young and sweet--and yes, that is a velvet pillow. You can't say we don't spoil them. Candy, incidentally, stars in the Sophie books as Tammy, Sophie's mad little tabby who tries to kill everything. Candy, despite being no bigger than a squirrel, was much the same. 4 Pepper--yesterday. Her "Aren't I pretty? Tell me I'm pretty" pose. Or maybe she was just trying to eat the camera. She tries to eat everything else. 5 Spike, being a supermodel. I don't think I need to say anything else. He's just so beautiful here! 6Pepper, on the Chesterfield with my mum. Apparently, you should establish boundaries with puppies early on: where they can and can't go, for instance. Pepper gave us one look with those big brown eyes, and now we can't get her off the damn furniture. She even climbs on the windowsill. 7 Sugar and Spike, doing their Babes in the Wood act. Goddamn, those kittens were cute. 8 Pepper, aged six weeks. Goddamn, that puppy was cute. 9 Tinker, before he was such an old man. It's such a shame he turned into such a shabby old thing, because as TS Eliot said, "he was, in his youth, quite the smartest of cats," very handsome and so glossy you could see your face in his coat. He was my Gorgeous Boy, a title he passed onto Spike before he died. 10My office accessories. 11 Baby Pepper, being wretchedly adorable. Again. 12 Sugar, with the card she and Spike sent me on Mother's Day. So my cats send me cards. So I'm Crazy Cat Lady. You know, that was my ambition long before I ever wanted to write. 13 Spike, begging for no more pictures!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It's easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Good news, bad news

Sundown Inc. is ranked 83,365 on Amazon, the puppy has chewed through her headcollar (the one that's supposed to prevent her from biting) and the sink is blocked again. Ho-hum.

BUT, I did get my author copies of Sundown, Inc. today! Ska-weee! A picture of me gleefully holding up the book will appear as soon as I find someone to hold the camera. 83k is good, BTW--it started out at 400+k.

Must go, puppy is trying to eat the baby-gate. Black dog, likes biting people...remind you of anyone?

Very little going on

...I'm trying to think of something to say about the last week. Um. Pepper has grown at an amazing rate--she'll soon be as big as me--and continues to be both adorable and annoying. I think God makes puppies cute so you'll forgive them all the crying and pooping. Much like babies. Only honestly, I prefer puppies.


Here's Pepper facing down Spike. Really, I think he was just sitting there to tease her: "Look, I've got the run of the house AND my own special-sized door AND the humans let me sleep on their beds, and you have to live in the kitchen, so nerrr!"

Um. Oh! I finished Sophie book seven, titled Dead To Rights. And I've been trying to think of promo items I can take with me to conference. Of course, the problem with promo is the speculate-to-accumulate dilemma. I haven't accumulated enough to be able to speculate yet...

Happy St George's Day!

Less well known than his Irish cousin, cooler though, I think. Killed dragons and all that. Although apparently he was Turkish. Anyway. It's also Shakespeare's birthday, very selfish of him to be born in April when it's too cold for the Globe to really put on a proper celebration. Could celebrate his deathday instead, but it's the same day. Rotten day to die, eh?

Not much to report. Pepper continues to be a) cute and b) hard work. Swear she's doubled in size. Am working on Sophie book seven (seven! And it's nearly done, too). Trying to figure out a way to get to San Francisco for RWA next year. Just sent off my registration for the RNA conference this year (bit easier to get to, Leicester). Had an eye test today, apperently don't need new glasses although my prescription has all these new things on it that weren't there before. Went out on Saturday to my first hen party--well, actually a hen meal, very civilised, even if the hen was wearing red glittery L plates. Decided really need to go on a diet, and then Mum brought back two bars of Toblerone from Copenhagen.

This stream of consciousness brought to you by Kate Johnson.

Lazy Sunday afternoon

...got no mind for worries. Pepper has been dozing under the bench in the front garden most of the afternoon, after a hard morning of climbing up and down the three steps to the drive. Hard work being a puppy.

Sugar and Spike still aren't sure what to make of her. They've both sneaked up on her while she's sleeping, taken a close sniff, then recoiled in horror. But they haven't been aggressive, just mostly curious. Poor Pepper just wants to play with them! This has, however, helped me develop a theory on the dogs-chasing-cats idea. The dog doesn't want to chase she cat away, she just wants to play. The cat, however, is disgusted by this leggy, smelly creature, and so hightails it (literally) out of there. Dog thinks this is part of the game, and so pursues.

Yesterday, both Sugar and Spike ended up perched halfway up the oak tree while Pepper sniffed around the roots. Wussy cats.

Here she is after a hard day of being adorable:

This cushion is now part of her bed. Cushion, towel/blanket, Knotty. Poor neglected puppy.

In other news, I finished final line edits on A is for Apple, the third Sophie book, which is getting ready to go to Book Expo America. I should hopefully be getting a cover soon (I typed 'toon' there, hah!).

Now, it's absolutely glorious weather here, more like June than April, so I have some hardcore sunbathing to do. Yes, I know I said I was going to stay pale and interesting this year, but I say that every year, and it gets really tiring having people ask if I'm anaemic all summer...

Pepper Pepper Pepper!

Yep, we brought our new baby home today! She was a sweetheart and slept in the crook of my arm most of the journey. And has spent the time since hopping around the garden being adorable.

Here she is with my dad--see how tiny she is?


And here she is trying to eat my shoe while I'm taking pictures of her. I don't know what it is with dogs and shoes...maybe it's genetic. Must wag tail, adore owner, and eat shoes.


Giving me a doggy kiss on the hand. Bless.


Saying hello to Spike, who was Not Impressed. When we brought her in, I handed her to my dad and picked up Spike who wanted to see what the fuss was about. He didn't seem all that interested in what Dad was holding, until he realised it was alive, whereupon he hissed, scrambled out of my arms, and startled his sister into leaping away from Mum, scratching her finger open and knocking over the water bowl.

I feel that went quite well.


Pepper killing Knotty.


All tuckered out. She seems to like her box (and yes, that is a super-market cardboard fruit crate she's sleeping in. With an old bath towel. Nothing but luxury for my poppet).




Spike all blissed out from the catnip drops I bribed him with to forgive me.



Sugar, not looking particularly convinced.


But lest they forget, this was Sugar and Spike the day after we brought them home, poor wee mites that they were--at least they had each other!

Wordless Wednesday: The cats brought Pepper an Easter present

See? An egg. Fresh, too. Sweet of them.

April news now online

Yepyep, my April newsletter is now available on both my websites, CatMarsters.com and KateJohnson.co.uk. You can also have the newsletter delivered to you (sadly pictureless) by subscribing to my Yahoo group.

This month, I'm interviewing the fabulous Lexxie Couper, talking to Jane Lovering about her menagerie of pets, and highlighting one of my all-time favourite crushes, James Marsters. There's also a puppy picture and a blonde joke. What more could you want?

Thursday Thirteen: things that make me happy

Thirteen things making me happy today (Yes, I know, unusually cheerful for a cranky cow like me. But everything else I thought of was miserable, and Amelia has already baggsed Thirteen Mandarin Insults) 1. Watching my cats behave like kittens. Especially Spike, when he gets that cheeky look in his eye, then attacks his catnip ball and rolls around on the floor wrestling with it. 2. The new series of Doctor Who. David Tennant rocketing around the universe being cheerfully insane, how can that not make you smile? 3. That, and I'm going to quote directly from Caitlin Moran here, "a show about a 900-year-old pacifist with a magic screwdriver, whose biggest enemy is a set of giant, fatal pepperpots...a children's sci-fi show, made on what amounts to a minuscule budget, in Wales, by gays, should be one of the defining programmes of the 21st century, is just the kind of thing that makes Britain great." It's completely bonkers. I love it! 4. It's sunny. I know, it's cheating. So what? 5. A week tomorrow we're going to pick up Pepper! (and put the puppy properly in her pen). 6. Helping my brother fix his phone and being called a genius for it. 7. Then, five seconds later, having to go up and down the stairs twice because I'd forgotten this list. And then the paper for the Caitlin Moran quote. I like being stupid. I have no idea why. 8. The new cover for Ugley Business which I got sent this morning. I'm not sure if it's final and approved yet, but the second it is I shall be plastering it everywhere because it's gorgeous. And it's purple! 9. Thinking up ways to screw eighteen generations of PayPal's ancestors (I'm modifying one of Amelia's Mandarin insults here) for refusing to recognise that someone defrauded my account to the tune of £1,200. There will be pain. Lots of pain. 10. The red, suede-trimmed, be-ribboned ballet slippers I bought yesterday. For four pounds. 11. Print release dates for the first three Sophie books. Like the cover, they're not definite yet, but I'm happy to have them. 12. That I've managed to think of 12 other reasons to be cheerful. And that I'm cheating now. I do like to cheat a little every now and then. 13. That I've finished the book I was on deadline for; done the edits I had to have finished by yesterday; and got my Stroke of Midnight contest entries back on time and am, therefore, unburdened by deadlines for the present moment!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Wordless Wednesday: Pepper!

(Well, you didn't think I was gonna miss this opportunity, did you? Crap, now it isn't wordless. Oh well)