Jen, I love you

...because you got my website working! Well, I love you anyway because you came with me to see James Marsters and didn't even freak out when I fainted (er, that's not how it sounds), but I love you even more now!

Everyone else, go and admire my pretty, pretty new website. That's the Cat Marsters one, by the way, Kate Johnson will be getting an overhaul too soon. When I've recovered from messing up this one!

On the complexity of websites

God, I must be getting old. I'm having such trouble even uploading my new site! This does mean, unfortunately, that CatMarsters.com is temporarily down (you'll get an error message if you go there...unless I get lucky!), and KateJohnson.co.uk is frozen, like a time capsule (I can't update it, not even to tell you Ugley Business is on sale!).

But never fear! The ever-brilliant Jen is helping me out, so it should be up and sorted soon. If I can manage to follow her instructions! I swear, I've been feeling increasingly stupid lately. anything more complex than making a cup of tea seems to be beyond me (and even then it's touch and go whether I remember to remove the teabag in time).

I'd make a rubbish Doctor Who companion. Which is a shame, really, since I fancy him rotten. But I'm declaring my fandom in large gothic lettering, see?


Gonna wear this on Saturday when I go to Hyde Park Calling. I'm SO excited about this: I've been a Crowded House fan for ten years, which incidentally is as long as they've been disbanded. So, even though I've been to see Neil Finn solo, and with his brother Tim, I never thought I'd get to see the full House (as 'twere). Of course, since they were a slightly fluid band , andone of the original members has since died, it could be considered something of a Trigger's broom (it's had three new handles and two new heads, but it's the same broom I've had for twenty years!). I don't care. Neil's there, and Nick Seymour, and the other guy whose name shamefully escapes me right now.

Plus, the Feeling are on too, and I'm so all over them right now!

Yes, I've turned into a squeeeing fangurl. Deal with it.

Pimpage

Ugley Business is released today!

Sophie Green the worst spy the British secret service has ever seen, is back and she’s in love—with a car.

Book two of the Sophie Green Mysteries.

Her best friend is being stalked, and to find out why, Sophie has to solve a murder committed fifteen years ago. Complicating the case is Docherty, whose brooding eyes and Irish accent get Sophie almost as hot as his Aston Martin—and her partner Luke, who may be sexy as hell but has all the interpersonal skills of a speeding bullet. Not that Sophie’s going to allow the state of her love life to distract her from her mission. Much.

Murder plots, stolen supercars, coolheaded mercenaries and mysterious artifacts? Must be a Tuesday.

Warning, this title contains the following: guns, swearing, sex, dark thoughts about cheerful people, incomprehensible Britishisms, and painful sarcasm.

I'm SO excited about this! I love Book Two (yeah, a lot of the Sophie books don't have definite titles, so I got used to calling them Sophie One, Sophie Two, etc.) for so many reasons. It introduces Docherty, who I love because, apart from his skill with various weaponry and his aggressive pheromones, he's just the antithesis of Luke. I also got to indulge my inner petrolhead and get all technical about the Aston Martin Vanquish (personally, I'd prefer a DB9, but Sophie has to work her way up to it). Plus, it's a Sophie book, and I never have so much fun writing these as anything else!

Any takers?

The angels have the phone box

"I've got that on a t-shirt." Actually, I do have it on a t-shirt, or at least I will when my order comes through.

This post ought to be subtitled Why I Love Doctor Who, or even just Blink, because that's the episode I'm talking about. Dunno what I mean? You missed a treat.

Blink was a 'Doctor-lite' episode, by which I mean there wasn't much of the gorgeous David Tennant in it. What we did get was pure gold, however.

"This is my timey-wimey detector. Goes 'ding' when there's stuff. Also, it can boil an egg at 300 yards. Whether you want it to or not, actually. I've learned to avoid hens. It's not pretty when they blow."

In a spooky house in London, Sally Sparrow finds a cryptic message left by the Doctor in 1969...addressed to her. Investigating with her best friend Kathy, she then recieves a letter, Marty McFly style, that's been waiting to be delivered to her for twenty years. From Kathy. Who has just vanished...and apparently turned up in 1920. In Hull, for some reason.

"Sparrow and Nightingale, that so works!" "For ITV."

More than a little freaked out, Sally goes to the police, where she meets the rather gorgeous and cheeky DI Shipton, who asks her out...but then he vanishes too. He reappears in 1969. Where the Doctor gives him a message to take to Sally, when he's an old man.

"Life is short and you are hot."

Billy duly passes on the message, which tells Sally to check the 'easter egg' features on her DVDs. These have been planted by the Doctor, and they're there to warn her about the Weeping Angels, which come to life only when you're not looking at them. It's like Toy Story, in reverse...and hella scary. Because the Weeping Angels will kill you, in the Doctor's words, by sending you back in time and letting you live to death.

"Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you are dead. Good luck."

I won't spoil the ending, but suffice to say it's the first Doctor episode that's actually had me properly scared. I sure as hell won't be going near any graveyards soon!

I'll just leave you with the Doctor's wise words on the subject of Time: "From a non-linear, non-subjective point of view, it's a sort of big ball of wibbly wobbly...timey-wimey...stuff."

Thirteen quotes from Ugley Business 1. “So what is he, Soph?” I sighed. Beats me. My partner. My mentor. My lover. But not, for some indefinable reason, my boyfriend. “He’s just Luke,” I said. Sophie on the man her best friend has just caught her in bed with. 2. “He’s a bastard,” I said to myself as I switched the water off and pushed back the shower curtain. “He’s a sexy, irresistible bastard.” Then I nearly had a heart attack, because a voice replied, “That’s very nice of you to say, but you don’t really know me all that well yet.” Enter: Docherty. 3. “You talk to your car a lot?” Harvey asked. “She talks to it more than me,” Luke said. “That’s because I like it more than you,” I replied. Getting her priorities straight. 4. “We can watch films and eat ice cream and stuff.” “Can we do face masks and talk about orgasms?” “We can do better than talk about them,” Luke said silkily. Luke demonstrating why being a bastard isn’t such a huge problem in their relationship. 5. “Well,” Maria said eventually. “Bugger me.” Macbeth looked her up and down thoughtfully. A life in the day of SO17. 6. An Aston. A Bond car. A machine so beautiful I’d have given Luke up for it. I wanted that car. I lusted after it. I wanted to have its babies. Sophie on cars (1). 7. I pulled out my SIG and aimed it at him. “No,” I said. “I will not drive. I don’t know how much you know about guns but this here is a nine millimetre and it will kill you if I pull the trigger. And I’ve just split up with the best sex I’ve ever had and am ever likely to have, so I am not in a good mood. And I hate to sound like a man but,” I ran my eyes over his revolver, “mine’s bigger than yours.” Sophie on bad days. 8. I’m not afraid. That is to say, I’m not afraid to say that I was absolutely bloody terrified. Sophie on honesty (1). 9. “Everyone wants a bit of Irish in them,” Docherty said, with a meaningfully penetrating stare at me that made—I swear—even my hair blush. Docherty giving it straight. 10. I mean, when you think of government agents you generally think of people slightly more suave than me. Actually, Norma Jean would be more suave than me, and she wears a flea collar. Sophie on honesty (2). 11. “You look hot.” “Hot as in sweaty and exhausted, or hot as in—” “Hot as in,” Luke said, smiling lazily. “Although I could make it sweaty and exhausted, if you want.” Luke reiterating why bastardness is an unimportant factor. 12. Well, I should do sit-ups. I never have. Lately Luke and I have been burning off a lot of calories…and you didn’t want to hear that. Okay. Sophie on honesty (3). 13. I, like Ted, operate on a rather larger chassis, come from solid, unpretentious stock, look like a lick of paint would do me some good and never fail to save the day. Well, actually, I’ve only ever saved the day once, but the day has only been in danger once while I’ve been around to save it. Sophie on cars (2). Ugley Business is released from Samhain Publishing on Tuesday!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It's easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Poser alert

See? It's a real book! And I'm a real person! We're real together!

Now I'm starting to either sound like Pinocchio or one of those irritating 'Keepin' it real' MTV types, so I'll shut up.

But isn't it cool?

Good news, bad news

Sundown Inc. is ranked 83,365 on Amazon, the puppy has chewed through her headcollar (the one that's supposed to prevent her from biting) and the sink is blocked again. Ho-hum.

BUT, I did get my author copies of Sundown, Inc. today! Ska-weee! A picture of me gleefully holding up the book will appear as soon as I find someone to hold the camera. 83k is good, BTW--it started out at 400+k.

Must go, puppy is trying to eat the baby-gate. Black dog, likes biting people...remind you of anyone?

Of course, there is the good news

...about thirty seconds after I post that ranty post, the delivery guy shows up. Anyway. What I really meant to say was this:

I have a print book!

Okay, calm down. The print book is Sundown, Inc., and I know you've all been awaiting it really, really eagerly! Well, I have.

Paranormal investigations. Information, assassination, negotiation. No task too strange, no job too big.
Undead assassins are one thing, but for Masika the job turns tough when her latest target is the one man who tried to save her -- twenty-three centuries ago. For Magda, life is full enough with three small children and a job that brings new meaning to 'full time,' but being a werewolf in love makes it just that little bit harder. Con may not be the world's greatest wizard, but he's just conjured a naked pirate queen on his hearthrug. And sex faery Aura has fallen in love with her best friend-but he and his boyfriend have plans of their own for her. Sundown, Inc. Because seriously, who sleeps in a coffin these days?

Thursday Thirteen: Things making me cranky

Thirteen things making me cranky 1. Forgetting that there's no one else in the house, so despite staying up late working, I had to get up and feed the cats and dog this morning. and you know, when you've come downstairs and been faced with the utter destruction a 14-week-old puppy creates overnight, getting back to sleep is a little difficult. So I'm tired right now! 2. Ordering some promo items and being sent the wrong things last week. Being assured the courier can come and pick them up yesterday, and finding he only has a chit for three of the eight very heavy boxes (don't ask). Tripping over the remaining five boxes all day while I wait for the courier to return, as promised. Looking at my clock and realising it's nearly 5pm...and the boxes are still there. 3. Being unable to leave the house in casew the courier comes while I'm out. 4. Having no eggs for the puppy (again, don't ask) and no chocolate for me...plus, see above re: not being able to leave house. 5. Knowing that for the four days I was in Cornwall with my parents, the weather down there was dull and riany while back home it was glorious sunshine. Returning home, I find the reverse is also true. Apparently I took Neil Finn's advice to always take the weather with me a little too seriously. 6. Being slightly sunburnt, because Tuesday afternoon did yeild some sunshine, and despite diligent application of suncream, I still managed to get burned exactly where the underwire of my bra digs in. 7. Wearing jeans stained with what I suspect is cream cheese from training the puppy yesterday, because my only other jeans are still in Cornwall with my parents. 8. The washine machine, which broke down last Wednesday (followed by a blocked sink on Thursday) and has only been fixed today. Apparently. I haven't checked the load I put in after the repairman left. 9. Knowing that when I go down to let the puppy out of her crate to give her some dinner, she will almost certainly poop on the floor within about thiorty seconds of being left alone. If, however, I whisk her outside immediately after eating, she will run around the garden without pooping at all...only to do it when I bring her back in. 10. The cut on the crease of my little finger. Can't crease it. Ow! 11. Spending all morning hooking up with Amazon's affiliate programme so I can put the little 'buy my book' doohickey on my website, MySpace and blog, only to discover that the code doesn't work on MySpace. 12. Attempting to paste code into website program, and discovering that it's somehow turned the entire page into one big swatch of HTML. Deleting the page, intending to re-do it all, and having the whole program break down on me. 13. Being unable to remember which spelling of programme or program goes with noun, verb, or other. This broadcast brought to you by the I Wish I Had A Full-Time Staff broadcasting service. Normal service will resume tomorrow.

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It's easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Thursday Thirteen...arrestable offences

Thirteen arrestable offences So I heard the other day that there are now no offences in the United Kingdom that can result in capital punishment. Not even treason. So, you can wander about slagging off the royal family as much as you like—hey, the tabloids do. In view of this, I’ve decided to write my own list of things that ought to become arrestable offences. Not capital…well, probably not. 1. Misusing apostrophes. Come on. What’s the apostrophe done to you? Has it wronged you in some way? Why do you insist on being so wantonly cruel to it? It’s a sensitive little soul who should only exist in certain climates, and using it whenever you have a plural—as some idiot’s do—is cruel and unusual punishment. But take it out of words where it ought to belong—your an idiot if you do—and it’ll wither and die. And then you’ll have the death of an innocent punctuation mark on your conscience. 2. Driving at 40mph regardless of the speed limit. Especially on single-carriageways. On a 50 road or a 30 road, why do you do it? Why? Then when you hit a 40 zone, you slow down to 30… 3. Letting your phone ring in the cinema. Letting it ring in the theatre is a hanging offence. 4. Insisting on music on MySpace. Actually, so many things about MySpace, up to and including those Spaces that are full of flashing, sparkling doohickeys that mean the page takes forever to load and is so ugly it's blinding. But most of all, the fact that even though I’ve checked the option for music NOT to play, it still does. No. No. It’s late at night, everyone else in my house is asleep, my dad has to get up at 5.30, and I click on your page only to be serenaded by the Googoo Dolls! Why would you do that to my poor daddy, why? 5. Telling people what dress size ‘real women’ do and do not wear. Last time I checked, I was a real woman. I have all the girlie bits and I’m reasonably sure I’m not holographic. Declaring that real women don’t wear a size 8 or 2 or whatever (and remember that different countries have different sizing charts) is very unfair to those people who work hard to be thin (and it is bloody hard work!). And bear in mind that many slender women have very rich husbands. Or top ten albums. Or multi-million-dollar films. Interviews on prime-time TV. Huge platforms for declaring their literary likes and dislikes. Think about it… 6. Txtspk. It has a place: in a text message. Actually, since virtually all phones have predictive text now, it doesn’t have much of a place there. It doesn’t belong in emails or message boards. It makes you look like an illiterate teenager. And heavens, people, can we at least get it right? My poor abused friend Apostrophe is glad he’s not included in the usual array of txtspk, but he’s very insulted that people still can’t tell the difference between ur and yr. 7. Big Brother. Big Brother contestants. People who watch Big Brother on TV. People who watch the 24hr Big Brother channel and stare at people sleeping. Newspaper coverage of Big Brother. Big Brother adverts on TV. Big Brother’s Little Brother. Big Brother fans who’ve never heard of 1984. Big Brother fans who believe it’s not engineered by the production company and all just happens. The Big Brother production company. You should all be put in a big cell until the summer is over and proper programming comes back on TV. 8. Campaigning for Charles to abscond and allow Wills to inherit the throne. For the love of God, people, it’s the monarchy, not America’s Next Top Model. The prettiest one doesn’t win. 9. Wearing lip liner darker than your lipstick. This should be self-explanatory, but let me add that I've never once met a nice person who does this. 10. Using the phrase ‘I’m only speaking my mind’. I don’t believe I’ve ever heard this phrase used except in defence of statements that were made with the sole intention of irritating or hurting other people. This is closely followed by the ‘right to free speech’ defence, which ought to come with the proviso ‘but not if you’re talking bollocks’. 11. Wearing smock dresses. Unless you actually are pregnant. Not since the 1630s has their been such a ludicrous fashion for emulating pregnancy. Is it some sort of subtle evolutionary code? By wearing clothes that make you look as if you are expecting a baby, are you subconsciously broadcasting your fertility to potentially suitable mates? Or are you just trying to hide your spare tyre? 12. Talking loudly on a mobile phone in an enclosed space. Yes, I mean you, the woman sitting behind me in the departures lounge in Atlanta airport last year, calling everyone you’d ever met to tell them you were flying to London. It’s a good job you weren’t sitting near me on the plane or I’d have been forced to improvise a murder weapon from my plastic fork, three earrings and a set of headphones. Thus banning them from air travel from now on. And I don’t think we want to ban headphones, do we? 13. Allowing your children to run around restaurants, shops, public transport, or anywhere, really, without either apologising or attempting to control them. It’s not cute. It’s not allowing them to express their natural exuberance. It’s rude, inconsiderate and ought to be arrestable. Control your children. I control my dog, even though she thinks its fun to leap up at people and chew their fingers off. And if you give me that smug ‘look, I managed to reproduce and you didn’t, haha’ look while your little darling is spilling fizzy drink on my shoes, I’ll set my demon dog on you.

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It's easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Pink, purple and blue

No, not the proposed new colours for the Union Jack (although how damn cool would that be?), but this week's shades of my household. Or something.


First up, the blue: my dear mama's new car. Can you believe I get to drive this thing? Well, that is, if we can ever get my brother out from behind the wheel...


Then my funky new hair colours. Well, I get bored easily. This has actually faded a little from Wednesday when I did it: it was practically fluorescent then. Well, it says leave the dye on for half an hour, but is that half an hour from when I start making the little foil packages, or from when I finish, 'cos it takes me 45 minutes...



This rainbow of colours keeps prompting all those bleached'n'straightened blondes to glare at me. It's quite fun actually.

Newsletter poll and a contest

Keen newsletter subscribers may have noticed a poll being posted on my Yahoo group. It's to ask what sort of bonus features you'd like to see on the group--artwork, unedited opening chapters, that sort of thing. I'd like as much feedback as possible, so to encourage everyone to participate, I'm offering a participation prize.



By simply voting in the poll, you'll be eligible to win this very very cool I, Spy? mug (which reads, I stared at him. Was this like a last meal? Better make it good, then. "Coffee," I whispered. "Black."), plus a download of any one of my Kate Johnson or Cat Marsters ebooks. Not a member of the group? Join up here! It's a low-volume newsletter, but the group also holds an excerpt vault (and possibly, soon also some extra goodies!).

More wedding pics. Well, two.

As promised, a picture of the happy couple. I uploaded this to Facebook and it was so damn weird, typing 'Patrick Mills' and then 'Gemma Mills', not her maiden name.

And here's me after a costume change (really only a shoe change actually, since I added the belt and it just wouldn't have matched. On which subject, don't look too closely, since I didn't have time to repaint my nails). I LOVE this picture. It makes me look SO THIN. I'm not, really, but--but look at the apparent thinness!

Unfortunately, it also has Girls Aloud's Biology echoing in my head...