Shame You're A Maniac

Nicked this from the Smart Bitches, who have taken the 'summarise in one sentence' idea of book pitching to the next level. Summarise In Four words (see what I did there?). They had lots, of which I only got two for sure (and half a dozen that sounded like every bad romance I've read: The Widow's A Virgin; No Memory? No Problem! etc).

I added a few more. See if you can get them?

Happy Crook Marries Mayor

Loved Through Past Lives (okay, I admit that’s a bit generic; could also be Past Life Suicide Pact)

Sex Slave In Book

I’m A Fuckwit Magnet

Like Whoa, I’m Royal?

Actually, I’m A Ghost.

...all of which were inspired by a quick gander at my own bookshelves. Now, I'm going to try my hand at a few for my own books:


Shame You're A Maniac (all right, that could be a lot of my books)

Gay Best Friend Sex

But I'm A Blonde

She Speaks In Dreams

Actually, You're A Werewolf

Don't Eat Nice Man

School Again? No Way!

Whoops, I Killed You

This Is Your Kid

Greek Soldier Saved Me

Hot Guy, Great Coat

I Hate Faerie Politics

Fuck. Blame My Dad.

Stuck In Fishing Float

It's Spelt Like That


Anyone? Anyone at all? I mixed them up a bit (wrote them in order, but that's too easy, right?).

Anyone have any more?

Chicken out!

No, not me backing down from anything (would I?), but the name of a campaign against battery-farmed chickens. I think it's a bit of a lame name, but it's for a good cause, so go and sign up.

I must be having a charitable weekend: tomorrow I'm off on a sponsored walk to raise money for breast cancer awareness. Well, theoretically I am. If I wake up tomorrow feeling like I did today, I might just give them the money and stay at home. Stupid sinuses. Ears. Whatever.

The book club

So I'm out walking Pepper yesterday. It's pouring with rain, I'm wearing waterproof shoes (sexy!) and jeans so dirty they could probably stand up by themselves (point of putting on clean clothes when walking dog who loves mud: none) and my fleece, which is almost as dirty as my jeans but is meant to be white, so looks even dirtier. I have on no makeup, my hair is dripping wet and since it's raining so hard I've left my glasses at home 'cos hey, they're useless when wet anyway.

Up pulls a car, and I'm glad I'm with my mum who has decent distance vision, because she recognises our neighbour. "Hey," he says, "Now that you're a famous author, my wife's book club is going to read your book next!"

Book club. I, Spy?. It's one of the silliest things I've ever written (not the silliest, that would be Baby Sham Faery Love). It's about a blonde ditz who becomes a spy. There are no big overarching themes. No literary nods. It's, like, a fun chick-lit novel.

"And she wants to ask you to come along and talk about it," he adds.

I refrain from asking if I should come as I am, but mainly because I'm too busy repeating, "Oh God, oh God, oh God," over and over.

It's not that I don't want people to read my book. I wouldn't have published it if that was the case. But a book club? Has anyone ever belonged to a book club that discussed ordinary, fun books, not litrachur? And they want me to talk about it! To give insights!

Oh God, oh God, oh God.

At least this means they'll all buy it.

Official notice

That Almost Human is out in paperback! With its new cover, which apparently is legitimate. I'm still not sure why a new cover had to be created; the old one wasn't obscene or revealing and yes, it was a Poser illustration, but I thought it was pretty good. The characters actually looked rather like the people in the book, for one thing. And the fonts and layout were excellent. The new one is very dark; the hero appears to have short, curly blond hair (not thick black hair like a lion's mane, as in the book); and yes, I'm pretty sure girlie there is wearing jeans. But it's hard to see, because it is so very dark.

Anyway, here's the old one:



And here's the new one:



Which do you prefer?

Hmm, that's interesting

Amazon has Almost Human listed--with correct publisher and ISBN etc--but no cover, so I can't verify it. The eBay listing, several people pointed out, has been taken down--only to be relisted under a different url. Ellora's Cave has the book listed as in print, with the new cover. The link on the EC site points to the eBay store. Is that the official EC store? Was the other link pirated? If it is the official EC store, why has my book suddenly popped up there without any notification to me, and with a cover I wasn't told about? Maybe it's the authentic copy; maybe it isn't.

I'm still waiting to hear the official word from Ellora's Cave.

Puppy still untrained. Dad thinks I'm sulking because he let the dog bark and wake me up. No, I'm not sulking, and no, it's not about one incident of barking. It's about six months of being ignored, contradicted and generally undermined.

I'm sorry, I've had enough

Of a puppy who isn't even house-trained, thanks in no small part to my dad who sabotages everything I try to do with the dog and ignores all the advice I'm giving him. I'm running out of ways to explain basic puppy training rules to him, and now we have a seven-month-old puppy who pees inside, barks incessantly, bites and chews whoever and whatever she likes, climbs on the furniture and even the windowsill, and doesn't do a thing she's told. So, I've had enough. I blame myself for failing to realise that my training methods were all bollocks and that what I should have been doing is what my dad's been advocating, which is basically letting the puppy run riot everywhere.

I understand that dogs have pack heirarchies. The Alpha doesn't listen to the lowest ranking pack member. Guess which one I am?

There are other things I've really had enough of right now, plenty of them relating to Almost Human, but I'm not going to air them here. I probably shouldn't have aired the puppy problems here either, but today is a day when I just don't give a crap.

A pirate copy?

Of my book?

Well, it looks like it. Google Alerts washed up something called Almost Human on eBay--it has my name on it and the blurb is accurate, but I don't know where the hell that cover came from. And nobody from Ellora's Cave has given me any official notification that the book's out. There's no ISBN, either. So for now I'm treating it as an unofficial, pirate copy.

Go and have a look, and tell me if your computer monitor shows up the cover any more clearly than mine; it looks to me like girlie there is wearing jeans, which is interesting for a pre-industrial fantasy 'verse.

Trust me, I'm a doctor.

I found this picture of David Tennant, but could only link to the thumbnail because the proper image was...I dunno, unlinky. Isn't it a hoot?

Just in case that's too small for everyone, here's a close-up. Still not a big enough image, but I'm hunting!


(Incidentally, I looked at the Labels section of my blog, and David Tennant has more mentions than most of my books. I I really talk about him that much?)

Monday already?

Good lord. And it's October! Oc-freaking-tober!

Wow. I'm finishing up the latest Sundown story (about an incubus and a fashionista elf), working on an idea for a new series Changeling is putting out next summer, still trying to persuade people I've never met before in my life and people I've known since childhood alike to buy my damn book, dealing with the Demon Puppy who is having her first season and is therefore even madder than usual, trying to find time to finish Almost Magic (and come up with a better title)...and for some reason this week I've decided to give up alcohol. Well, not really for some reason, actually because I had way too much to drink on Saturday and have just had enough of hangovers, thank you very much. It'll probably last until I go to Southwold on Thursday and have to deal with a) the Demon Puppy (you want to try taking the mad hound into a pub for lunch? Argh!) and the temptation of the local cider, which is just too yummy.

So, what are you all up to this week?

There are too many kittens???

Okay, this is just cruel. There was an item on the local news this morning--I know, like I ever watch local news, but Pepper woke me up early, I figured, what the hell, and the TV was on. But anyway. You know what local news is like. Unless you live in Westminster or Kabul, it's all really boring teensy stuff about shoplifters or kids swimming for charity.

This news item fell into the 'cute' category. A local animal shelter has said there have been an unusual amount of kittens born out of season (cats can have litters any time, but most often in the spring). They've had a lot of litters--and sometimes queens with litters--being brought in, and they're running out of space for them.

They have too many damn kittens.

I want all the kittens.

But because I have a psycho puppy who thinks it's fun to pounce on stuff and shake it about with her teeth, I can't have any. Waaah!

Oh well. It's probably a good thing. Otherwise I'd be up there like a shot, taking everything they had, and I'd have turned into Crazy Cat Lady at 25.

Hmm...I wonder how many kittens it would take to outnumber Pepper? If you did it by weight...

Contesty-licious!

Okay, I totally made a word up there. It's fun; try it.

Anyway. Since I, Spy? is now available in fully fabulous print, I'm offering a little contest to win a free signed copy. Wanna enter? It's easy... just click and follow instructions!

Woo, and may I add, Hoo?

Because today is release day. Release of what, I hear you ask? We-ee-eell...

First up is my very first paperback novel! Yes yes, all those Beatles tapes my parents played until they went wobbly in the heat when we drove to the south of France finally paid off (unlike this sentence). I am a paperback writer! I, Spy? is available to buy from all kinds of juicy places, like Amazon (US, UK, or whereverelse you fancy), Barnes & Noble, WHSmith, Blackwell...take your pick. BTW, WHSmith have a 3for2 offer on...so you can buy several copies. Or, you know, other titles too, if that floats your boat.

Is it in shops yet, you ask? I'm glad you did. Because if you see one in a shop, anywhere in the world, anywhere at all, I want you to take a photo of it and send it to me (the photo, not the book. I have a couple of those, and besides, I know how it ends). So far, I haven't seen it anywhere, but you know what people, we need to start a campaign. Go into your local bookshop and ask, no, demand that they stock it! In case their computer keyboard doesn't understand the complex punctuation in the title, or my unbelievably common name (I begged my parents to call me Margolotta. Actually, that's a direct lie), you can give the crafty bookseller the ISBN number. They use that number, they can order it anywhere in the world. They really can, so don't take no for an answer!

Okay, that ended up being a really long paragraph. My dear editor would probably go nuts.

Reason number two is a second release! Following the critical acclaim I recieved for I, Spy? and Ugley Business (yes, the topographical spelling), the third book in the Sophie Green series of mysteries is now available as an e-book. You can buy it from My Bookstore and More or various other e-book outlets (no, it's not free. Sorry. I need the royalties to buy shoes. I mean, food for my starving babies. And pay their vet bills too).

Okay, still with me? Excellent. Go forth and buy! Remember I'm impoverished, so the more copies you buy, the more shoes...I mean, vet bills, I can afford.

So, I'm in the paper

I don't love the picture, and they left out the question mark in I, Spy? (but then everyone does), but it's a good article!

In other news, I tried to clip the puppy's toenails today, clipped too much, and now she's bleeding all over the place. It doesn't seem to be bothering her (she didn't even make a sound), but it's distressing me a whole lot!