Thursday, August 10, 2006

Stop blowing holes in my ship.

Or my aeroplane. Whatever.

This really irritates me. You know those security scanners at the airport? All those people in uniform? The rules about what you can and can't take on a plane? The searches and questions and all the endless crap you go through whenever you fly out of a UK airport to anywhere? What did you think they were there for? Decoration? No. They're to stop people taking bombs on planes. Just like the ones you were carrying. Did it not occur to you that maybe one of you might get caught? And once one had, then all the other airports--because they do talk to each other, you know--would be on red alert? And look even harder for more bombers?

Christ in a miniskirt. It goes without saying that if you're going to try and blow up a planeful of people, you're a few shots short of legless, but really. This is just insulting. And irritating. Is it so offensive to you that people want to go on holiday to Spain that you've got to go through all this to disrupt their travel plans? 'Cos that's what you're doing. Whoever you are, because you're not claiming it, you cowards, you're not getting much sympathy from me. Or, you know, anyone.

Look. We know about bomb threats in this country. The Second World War is still within living memory for a lot of people. All our major cities had the crap bombed out of them a scant 60-odd years ago. And 60 years is an eyeblink in the collective conscience of a country (I mean, we still regard the French as cheese-eating surrender monkeys and we haven't had a war with them them for over a hundred years now). Plus, in much more recent memory--mine, in fact, and I'm just a whippersnapper--we've had the IRA introducing us to the pleasures of unexpected mass murder. We've got the security stuff sorted out (as you just found out, twat-features). We've got the response down pat. We've been dealing with terrorism plots for hundreds of years (and damn, we knew how to treat them in 1605).

We're not intimidated. We're not frightened. And we refuse to be terrorised. Go sell panic somewhere else, because there's just no market for it here.

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