Searching for The One

Phone, that is. I mean, somewhere out there has got to be a phone that doesn't drive me crazy. I've never actually counted how many mobiles I've had in the last ten years or so, but it's got to be at least half a dozen. From the ancient Nokia brick that barely fit in my handbag, to the brand new Samsung I've just taken custody of, my, how they've evolved. Imagine if someone told you ten years ago your phone could take pictures and read email.

That's the Samsung there: the pink-and-grey affair on the left of the picture. The black thing next to it is my old Sony Ericsson, and the tiny slim pink thing is my Sony Walkman. Behind that is the battery case of my noise-cancelling headphones (they're Sennheiser, if anybody's interested, and they're very, very good).

The thing about mobile phones is I don't actually use mine a lot. The occasional call home, or texting a bit, or checking my email when I'm away. No point in paying a fortune each month for calltime I won't use, right? Or all the swanky features, like a built-in MP3 player. Um, I've already got one of those, thanks, and it's guaranteed to have better sound quality than anything attached to my mobile.

The thing is that even when you think you've found a model that has the stuff you want but not the stuff you don't want to pay for, it can still drive you demented. For instance, I spent most of yesterday trying to salvage all the photos I'd taken with the Sony Ericsson. I only managed it, eventually, by using the software and cable from my brother's new SE phone, which would only work on his laptop. How people go on when they don't have such commodities at hand is beyond me.

I also remembered with dismay that Samsung phones don't give you the option to upload your own message tone (and they don't make it easy to add a ringtone, either). This means mine has a generic trill instead of my old beloved Spiderpig song. I loved Spiderpig.

Plus, why is it that the factory settings on every phone I've ever had are for it to make as much annoying noise as possible--whilst giving you no helpful pointers on how to stop said noise. Every button makes a bleep, every settings change makes a beep, and you can't scroll through ringtone options without setting them all off. The Demon Puppy did not like this. For once, I concurred.

Ultimately, I got the Samsung because a) my brother had one, so he can tell me how to make the bleeping stop, and b) it comes in pink. Sigh. For a brief while I lusted after such unattainable objects as an iPhone (on my tariff? Ha!). Or a very pretty brushed aluminium thing from LG where the screen turns into a mirror. But...I already have one of those in my make-up bag.

I don't mind paying for a decent phone camera though; since otherwise, how would I be able to take pictures like this?

(I was going to buy a man, but you know what sales are like: only the rubbish stuff is left).