Wednesday, May 07, 2008

A week or two ago I posted some brilliant examples of reimagined speeches, done in a Shakespeare style. Well, being the odd creature I am, I had to give it ago. Here's one of my favourite speeches (and the run-up to it) from Buffy. In places I hardly needed to change anything, which just shows you what a genius Joss Whedon really is.

Chosen Act III Scene 1

Spike We can take it back. Nay?

Buffy Nay.

Spike What sayest thou, nay?

Thou meanst ‘eventually’?

Buffy You have ever misunderstood that word.

Spike You can regain them.

Buffy Can, mayhap. Should? I am so tired.

Spike They need you.

Buffy Yea, but—

Spike ‘Tis chaos without you.

Buffy Is’t so?

Spike Aye! Aye, ‘tis. All is rank;

Bedrolls are spoiled, they all are frightened

And mean-apparelled.

Buffy Most dire.

Spike I saw little. I came to the house,

Fought with Faith, and went.

Buffy Didst thou? ‘Tis not

That I am not glad, and yet—

Spike Bid me do it, and she shall be

But a footnote in history. I will make it seem

As a painéd accident.

Buffy This is ever my sorrow. I bid,

And each time, someone dies.

Spike There are casualties in every war.

Buffy Casualties. It is too casual a word.

These girls have been slain. I am the Slayer

And I have slain my connection to them.

‘Tis my fault: connections are ever severed by me.

As you should know.

Spike ‘Tis in my recollection

We connected.

Buffy Ha!

We were never close. You wanted only

What you could not attain

Spike Is’t all you think?

Buffy Let us not go over the past.

Spike Nay, let us. I shall go over it.

I have hummed to your tune of pity

Now ‘tis my turn to sing.

Buffy Then sing, and cheer me.

Spike Thou art insufferable.

Buffy My thankings for thy help.

Spike I do not wish to cheer you—

Buffy Then what sayest thou?

Spike When I have said it, I shall know.

Thou made me angry. ‘Could not attain’,

Aye, that’s the rub.

Buffy Then I am attainable.

The pinnacle of attainment I shall be.

May I now sleep?

Spike Listen thou to me.

I have been alive longer than you

Aye, and dead longer than that.

What I have seen thou couldst not imagine;

What I have done, I implore do not.

I am known not for following my thoughts

But my blood, which rarely runs to my brain.

And so mistakes are mine to make,

Errors mine to call, by our lady.

But in a hundred years, one thing

Have I been sure of: You.

I ask you not for anything.

Say not, “I love you” as I want you

Or because I cannot have you.

It has naught to do with I.

I love what you are,

What you do, how you try.

I have seen your kindness,

Aye, and your strength. I’ve seen

The best and the worst of you.

And now I see with perfect clarity

Exactly how thou art.

Thou art a singular woman, Buffy.

Thou art the one.

Buffy I do not wish to be.

Spike I do not wish to be so pleasing

To th’eye. We all must bear our crosses.

Fun, huh?

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous4:14 am

    That's absolutely fantastic. Really well done.

    And it's still so funny.