There are too many kittens???

Okay, this is just cruel. There was an item on the local news this morning--I know, like I ever watch local news, but Pepper woke me up early, I figured, what the hell, and the TV was on. But anyway. You know what local news is like. Unless you live in Westminster or Kabul, it's all really boring teensy stuff about shoplifters or kids swimming for charity.

This news item fell into the 'cute' category. A local animal shelter has said there have been an unusual amount of kittens born out of season (cats can have litters any time, but most often in the spring). They've had a lot of litters--and sometimes queens with litters--being brought in, and they're running out of space for them.

They have too many damn kittens.

I want all the kittens.

But because I have a psycho puppy who thinks it's fun to pounce on stuff and shake it about with her teeth, I can't have any. Waaah!

Oh well. It's probably a good thing. Otherwise I'd be up there like a shot, taking everything they had, and I'd have turned into Crazy Cat Lady at 25.

Hmm...I wonder how many kittens it would take to outnumber Pepper? If you did it by weight...

Contesty-licious!

Okay, I totally made a word up there. It's fun; try it.

Anyway. Since I, Spy? is now available in fully fabulous print, I'm offering a little contest to win a free signed copy. Wanna enter? It's easy... just click and follow instructions!

Woo, and may I add, Hoo?

Because today is release day. Release of what, I hear you ask? We-ee-eell...

First up is my very first paperback novel! Yes yes, all those Beatles tapes my parents played until they went wobbly in the heat when we drove to the south of France finally paid off (unlike this sentence). I am a paperback writer! I, Spy? is available to buy from all kinds of juicy places, like Amazon (US, UK, or whereverelse you fancy), Barnes & Noble, WHSmith, Blackwell...take your pick. BTW, WHSmith have a 3for2 offer on...so you can buy several copies. Or, you know, other titles too, if that floats your boat.

Is it in shops yet, you ask? I'm glad you did. Because if you see one in a shop, anywhere in the world, anywhere at all, I want you to take a photo of it and send it to me (the photo, not the book. I have a couple of those, and besides, I know how it ends). So far, I haven't seen it anywhere, but you know what people, we need to start a campaign. Go into your local bookshop and ask, no, demand that they stock it! In case their computer keyboard doesn't understand the complex punctuation in the title, or my unbelievably common name (I begged my parents to call me Margolotta. Actually, that's a direct lie), you can give the crafty bookseller the ISBN number. They use that number, they can order it anywhere in the world. They really can, so don't take no for an answer!

Okay, that ended up being a really long paragraph. My dear editor would probably go nuts.

Reason number two is a second release! Following the critical acclaim I recieved for I, Spy? and Ugley Business (yes, the topographical spelling), the third book in the Sophie Green series of mysteries is now available as an e-book. You can buy it from My Bookstore and More or various other e-book outlets (no, it's not free. Sorry. I need the royalties to buy shoes. I mean, food for my starving babies. And pay their vet bills too).

Okay, still with me? Excellent. Go forth and buy! Remember I'm impoverished, so the more copies you buy, the more shoes...I mean, vet bills, I can afford.

So, I'm in the paper

I don't love the picture, and they left out the question mark in I, Spy? (but then everyone does), but it's a good article!

In other news, I tried to clip the puppy's toenails today, clipped too much, and now she's bleeding all over the place. It doesn't seem to be bothering her (she didn't even make a sound), but it's distressing me a whole lot!

Eep!

So, I sent out press releases to all the local papers, and one of them phoned me this morning for a little phone interview. Fine, no problem. Well, actually not that fine, because I don't really like talking on the phone, but I put on my big girl panties and dealt with it (um. Not literally). But then they said they'd like to send a photographer round.

Major panic. Had to leap into shower and wash my hair, because it was a bit of a fright (no change there), then find make up, and then they called back and said they'd be coming in the evening.

Bigger panic.

You see, originally I'd been hoping to lure the photographer outside, into the sunshine (it's freezing cold, but sunny), and have my picture taken by the roses or the Virginia creeper. but by the time she comes, it'll be too late...which means I have to find somewhere presentable inside the house--somewhere not full of my clutter (which is everywhere: I'm the messiest person alive), or dog toys, or the bones she leaves everywhere (the back garden looks like a charnel house).

All this for 15 mins and a couple of snaps! But the thing is, these are local papers. And if anyone reads them, they'll be people I know. So I can't have a photo of me in a messy, ugly house, with dirty hair and no make up, can I?

The secret diary of Spike, aged 18 months

No, not that Spike. He's brilliant, but even he couldn't hold a pen at 18 months. Although neither could my Spike, lacking the obvious digits to do so. Well, anyway. Here are his musings.


Am making the most of the warmer weather by spending as much time out of doors, surveying my territory, before winter comes. Actually, am taking the opportunity to get out of the house where the Demon Puppy dwells. Cannot understand why Humans felt the need to acquire this animal. It is noisy, smelly, and very stupid. Although the Humans are stupid too, because they complain when the Demon Puppy leaves puddles on the floor, yet they haven't given it a litter tray. I understood how to use a litter tray when I was very tiny, and then I was given my own little door. The Demon Puppy attempts to use my door; however, it is far too big and clumsy to get through. I sit in the little safe box Young Female put around my door, and laugh at it.

I wonder if it was the Demon Puppy who drove my sister away? I haven't seen her in three weeks. Young Female says I'm not allowed to go where she went, and that I must stay with her until I'm a very old man, at least as old as the Old Cat who was here when I was very small. I don't remember him much, except as a bony old thing who grumbled when we tried to get him to play. He went away too: I wonder if he left because he didn't like us?

No. Not possible. Who couldn't love this magificent beast?

The Demon Puppy is also a theif. Young Female places my food outside the Demon Puppy's area, but quite often Old Male leaves the gate open and Demon Puppy escapes and eats my food. My food! I don't eat its food (why would I, it's disgusting). It is very annoying. I need that food to keep this magnificent body in shape.

I like Young Female. She has an annoying habit of picking me up and cuddling me in front of people, and I have to pretend to protest, because I am a manly cat--see, I have a manly name!--and it isn't very manly to enjoy cuddles with your mummy, but secretly I do. She calls me her Gorgeous Boy, and a beautiful cat, which of course is only right (even though I'm not sure it's manly to be called 'beautiful'). The other Humans must realise how very magnificent I am, but they don't say it as often. I protest at this in public, but then go and allow Young Female to cuddle me when I sleep on her bed. It is very soft, and so is she. She says she wishes she knew a Human Male like me, which is a stupid thing to say, as he could only be inferior. She couldn't pick him up for cuddles for one thing.

I've been nominated!

For a Night Owl Romance Award, for my first ever book, She Who Dares. If you're so inclined, please vote for me!

Reasons to be cheerful: one, two, three

One: I got a box of I, Spy? paperbacks.
Two: I got a box of Ugley Business paperbacks.
Three: I got a box of A is for Apple paperbacks!

Ahhh, aren't they pretty?

I've been going mildly bonkers this week because the rest of the household are away and I've been left holding the baby. Well, puppy. she's six months old, still bites, still jumps, and still isn't housetrained. Moreover, she does most of this on purpose because she's bored, because I leave her for long periods because, basically, I am not having that maniac in here with me and my books!

The little sod actually chewed through one of the bars of her baby-gate (why any of us thought a wooden gate would be a good idea, I don't know). So Wednesday, she woke me up by nosing into my bedroom...when she should have been shut in the kitchen downstairs. This morning, I found she'd destroyed one of the reinforced, renewable shopping bags we use at the supermarket. The idea with those things is when one wears out, you take it in and they replace it, free. but I'm not sure there's enough left of this one to even take in. It looks like...well, like a dog ate it!

Books in the mail

Look what the nice man from (insert delivery company here, I confess I didn't notice his livery) brought me this morning! Ten pretty shiny copies of each. Ahhhhh!

Great googamooga

How did it get to be September?

Pepper is six months old today, and ready for her second training session. Well. I say ready, the poor bugger has no idea. Still, she enjoys it, because she gets to sniff all these other dogs and get lots of yummy treats for doing boring things like sitting and lying down. Easy, huh?


This is going to be double fun, because I've just been to the blood donors and been vampired, which makes my arm ache not a little bit. You know, they always ask, "Is that comfortable?" Sure, I find it really comfortable to have an inch of metal stuck in my arm.

Today my friend Alysia is picking up her new furbaby Holly, a tabby adopted from Wood Green. I think this is going to be really good for her--because she's a cat person, and just like me she never fails to be cheered up by a cat. I shall be haunting her house to play with the new kitty, because I really want to get another one but as I said, it's not really practical right now.

Thanks to everyone who offered their condolences on Sugar. It's nice that other people appreciate how important pets can be in your life.